What Makes America Great (Part One)

Here’s links to some random junk I’ve been meaning to mention. WARNING: This column is mostly an excuse to publish pictures of scantily-clad women. Then again, aren’t they all?

Sign of the Times

Check “oddlyspecific.com” out; it makes me happy. It’s a fine antidote to those sites displaying the depressing signs the Tea Partiers carry around.

http://oddlyspecific.com/

Hell, I’d keep out the employees!

It May be Stupid and Intolerant, But it Sure Beats Another Frickin’ “Far Side” Cartoon…

Did you know that the people who are going to burn Korans on 9/11 have “Islam is of the Devil” tee shirts and coffee mugs for sale? Gosh, if the Nazis had had commemorative plates, we’d probably all be speaking German today!

http://www.islamisofthedevil.com/

How about “World’s Greatest Terrorist”?

He Puts the “Dick” in Dixie! (Seriously. That’s one of his songs.)

Hank Williams III is gonna drink and drug hisself to death just like his grandpappy did, but before he goes he’s gonna write some of the best new country music in 20 years…

My Country Heroes

Would you let this man sing at your daughter’s Bat Mitzvah?

I KNEW this Stupid Internet was Good for Something!

Pandora is maybe the best product on the Internet for finding new music based upon your tastes. It’s amazing technology and it’s frickin’ free.

http://www.pandora.com

There’s a picture in this album’s liner notes of Tori Amos suckling a pig. Why would I lie about a thing like that?

A Liberal Approach to Bosoms

The Huffington Post, arguably the most influential Liberal news outlet not on Public TV or radio, often has articles about Heidi Montag, who massages her fake breasts to keep them supple. (P.S. Who the fuck is Heidi Montag, anyway, and why does she torment me?)

Update on Heidi Montag’s Boobs

Without the Huffington Post, I might never have learned that Lady Gaga posed in a meat bikini on the cover of "Vogue Japan"...

Freedom of Stupidity

Fox News is partly owned by the same (Muslim) dude who is funding the Muslim rec center in lower Manhattan. Jon Stewart is unsure whether the people at Fox who are complaining about this secretive Muslim are evil or just stupid.

http://www.indecisionforever.com/2010/08/24/jon-stewart-fox-news-is-either-evil-or-stupid/

How about both?

Gotta Dance!

Here’s the new cast of the upcoming “Dancing with the Stars.” It includes Florence Henderson, Kurt Warner, David Hasselhof and — wait for it! — Bristol Palin!

Dancing with the Stars Cast

Isn’t this how Bristol got in trouble in the first place?

Demi Cup

And finally, for reasons that remain unclear, Demi Moore felt it necessary to take this picture of herself and then upload it on Twitter. This important issue is being covered by The New York Daily News.

Demi Moore in a bikini

I don’t think she’s using a Nikon. Ashton’s sponsors are gonna be pissed!

Is this a great country, or what?

Intelligent Americans, Please Refudiate!

I spent all day Saturday shoveling out the stalls of my wife’s three horses. This was extra challenging this week: it had rained quite a bit the past few days, which meant that the horses had spent more time in their stalls, and thus more poop had piled up (and I do mean “piled up”). Also my wife is recovering from bronchitis and I forced her pretty much at gunpoint to leave the entire task to me, a manly and heroic gesture which I came to deeply regret over the next seven smelly hours.

It's extremely important to limber up before saying something outrageously stupid (or you might pull a hammy!).

There’s nothing especially challenging about shifting horse excrement, and the task requires at most a small fraction of my amazing brain’s attention, letting me brood on diverse topics. On Saturday I mostly brooded on Sarah Palin. So what the hell is up with Sarah Palin? Is she a stupid, mean-spirited opportunistic dirtbag, or just plain stupid?

Like for instance, the other day Ms. Palin was railing against the planned Muslim mosque in downtown Manhattan. This in itself isn’t unusual: she and her Fox “News” buddies often bitch about the mosque. But this particular comment was aggressively ridiculous even for Palin: “There are 100 mosques in New York,” she snarled. “If the purpose of this mosque is, as we are led to believe, to create this tolerant environment, to ensure that something like 9/11 from repeating, why we have to ask didn’t any of these 100 mosques already accomplish this?”

Gosh. Interesting question. Now here’s one for you, Ms. Palin:

There are tens of thousands of Christian churches in the United States. If their purpose is, as we are led to believe, to promote understanding, and love for fellow men among their congregants, why we have to ask, are some Christians still such goddamned xenophobic bigots?

Now if this is just the stupid blathering of an ignorant, small-minded woman getting far more attention than she warrants, I can forgive her. Hell, I’ve probably made stupid statements myself. (I can’t think of any at the moment, but I’ll ask my wife.) However, if Palin is smarter than she looks and is simply using this controversy to promote her own agenda, then I kinda hope she drowns in a sea of fermenting horse wee.

And what can you make of this little nugget? As I’m sure you’re aware, radio personality and general whackadoo “Dr. Laura” Schlessinger went postal on her radio show and started yelling “Niblets! Niblets! Niblets!” at her caller, an African American woman asking for advice about racist statements made by her white husband’s friends. (Note: Laura didn’t actually say “niblets.”) When word of this got out, a number of Dr. Laura’s sponsors very wisely dropped her show like a bucket of hot spittle. Poor persecuted Dr. Laura then announced her retirement, saying that she wanted her “First Amendment rights back.” This  is an idiotic statement in itself − Schlessinger totally has the right to say anything she wants, just as others have the right to refuse to use her sponsors’ products. But that’s not the point here.

"Niblets! Niblets! Niblets! If the Green Giant can say, 'Niblets,' why can't white people?"

What did conservative leader Sarah Palin have to say about this? She tweeted to Dr. Laura: “Don’t retire, reload!”

So this is Palin’s response to a racially-charged situation in which a prominent white radio jock insults an African American listener: “reload”? Excellent work, Sarah. I’m sure that’ll do wonders for relations between blacks and whites in this country. Hell, I suppose we should be grateful she didn’t say, “Don’t linger, lynch her!”

So why exactly haven’t other conservative pundits “refudiated” her? Maybe because so many of them are too busy mouthing the same kind of crapola. Thanks, Fox “News” for giving them such a prominent platform!

Anyway, this nonsense kept my brain totally occupied, and Saturday just flew by. I’m proud to say that while Palin and her cohorts are still full of shit, our barn isn’t. At least she’s good for that much.