The Top 20 Things I Learned from the Foreign Policy Debate

“This guy can’t just keep making stuff up, can he? Where’s Candy Crowley?!”

1. The only important parts of the world are those that have oil or make iPads.

2. Both candidates will do whatever Israel tells them to do because Israel’s policies are always best for America; also Florida is in play.

3. The drone program is doing fine. Just FINE. Let’s move on.

4. President Obama was wrong to announce a date for the end of the occupation of Afghanistan. Romney will also get out by that date, just please don’t tell the Taliban.

5. On Day One Romney will label China a currency manipulator. On Day Two he will ask them to continue to finance our huge debt. On Day Three they will make him eat a big turd.

6. Romney has the creepiest smile of any national political figure since Nixon.

7. Everything is FINE in Guantanamo Bay. Let’s move on.

8. When Romney said “let Detroit go bankrupt” he didn’t really mean it. He meant “Do exactly what Obama did.” In fact, it was his idea. Obama stole it from him.

9. Detroit is surprisingly important to American foreign policy in that it got more discussion than Europe and Africa combined. Also India, Mexico, and South America. However Greece did get a mention as a place Romney doesn’t want the US to turn into.

10. Romney believes that Obama’s foreign policy has been a massive failure. Romney agrees with 99% of Obama’s foreign policy.

11. There are fewer bayonets in the military than there were in 1916. Also fewer horses. This may be untrue but it certainly is hilarious.

12. Bob Schieffer was clearly in the tank for Obama in that he didn’t stop Obama from wiping the floor with Romney.

13. Nobody wants a war with Iran.

14. Obama’s sanctions policy against Iran is a failure, as Iran is four years closer to having a nuclear bomb. Romney would follow the exact same policy.

15. Unless Israel says different (see Number 2, above).

16. If Romney keeps saying “Obama went on an apology tour” enough times then maybe the guys who were always going to vote for Romney in the first place will eventually believe it.

17. The US spends as much on its military as the next 10 countries combined. Neither candidate sees anything wrong with that.

18. Romney wants to increase the military budget by another trillion dollars to defend against Russia or Islam or whoever it is each registered voter is afraid of.

19. Romney will say anything to get elected president. What the hell he will actually do if he IS elected is anybody’s guess.

20. The debate was horrible, but it was still better than that Monday Night Football game. Bears vs. Lions? Who picks these things?


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10 Responses to “The Top 20 Things I Learned from the Foreign Policy Debate”

  1. sarah Says:

    Re: number 19- isn’t that what all politicians do? No, not Mr. Obama, he is a straight shooter, right? That is just a silly statement, like putting on your vet school application that you want in because you love animals. Don’t we elect all Presidents on some sort of faith , and Mr. Obama def. on that since he was largely without any real experience or body of legislative work. I voted for him on his Hope and Change. I am less hopeful these days.

    • Paul Murphy Says:

      Wait. Are you suggesting that I show some kinda tiny, minuscule, almost imperceptible bias in favor of Mr. Obama? How dare you! I’m totally fair and balanced, just like FOX News.

      • sarah Says:

        No, would not even begin to suggest bias, I can tell from most of your posts that you have been nothing, if not fair and unbiased. No need to pull out the big guns and bring up Fox news, you have such a nice little blog. I can’t wait for the election to be over so you can get back to writing about the important stuff again. Like puppies .

      • Paul Murphy Says:

        I’m totally balanced on the subject of puppies. Also horse poop. I’m glad you recognize that.

  2. notesfromrumbleycottage Says:

    That was a great game even if Jay Cutler did get hurt once again.

  3. George Q. Halas Says:

    I knew the Bears and Lions. I WATCHED the Bears and Lions. And you, sir, are no Bears and Lions.

  4. T. Gore Says:

    This was a good blog, but marred by the absence of foul language. Can’t you express your opinion without omitting profanity?

  5. Aspiring Drummer Says:

    Hilarious. Please keep blogging about the election. Humor is good when it comes stuff that otherwise makes my blood boil. 🙂 Although that last debate, dang, I almost felt bad for Romney.


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