Dumbness in America


"Cracking good cheese, Gromit!"

“Cracking good cheese, Gromit!”

It’s kind of depressing how much dumbness there is in the country today. Seems like everybody in the USA has decided to get really stupid all at once, and I don’t understand why. I kinda got the whole “birther” idiocy – Barack Obama has a funny name and his dad’s Kenyan (and he’s well, you know, a negro, not that there’s anything wrong with that, we’re all for equality and everything, but what if he’s a secret racist and mad at us for that whole slavery thing, not that it’s our fault, but you know about their urges: what if he wants our women?). Anyway, you could understand why certain people were desperate to believe that he wasn’t really our president. It was grossly stupid and moronic and sad and all, but it was understandable.

But as God is my witness, I don’t get the whole climate-change denial thing. That seems to be stupidity without purpose – self-destructive stupidity, as it were.

As John Oliver so eloquently points out, there is no argument against climate change. It’s settled science. It’s like arguing that there is no cheese. Clearly there is cheese. I can show it to you. Everybody knows that there’s cheese except this whole group of bozos who staunchly deny cheese. “I’m no scientist,” says Boehner, “but the debate is far from settled on the existence of cheese. And if we go around believing in alleged cheese, then American jobs will be lost and the American economy will suffer.”

Dude, cheese. It’s real. I got some here, in this pocket. Want a slice? Hello? Hello? STOP DENYING MY CHEESE YOU NITWIT!

Now I certainly understand why the Koch brothers deny my cheese. They’re evil. Acknowledging the existence of cheese – all right, you get the point – climate change – would cost them money. Since they’re evil, they’ll do anything, anything to avoid losing money, including selling out their own grandchildren. It’s part of their charm.

But other folks – nice folks who don’t own oil companies – also deny climate change. Why? It’s insane, senseless. They’re putting the lives of their children and grandchildren at risk, not to mention, I dunno, the whole species. And for what: a couple more years of buying cheap gas and big, dumb cars before the planet starts roasting and Florida goes bye-bye, along with Gramma and Grampa’s condo and a couple million people living in Bangladesh? It’s crazy, I tell ya.

The best explanation I’ve heard is that folks deny climate change because Al Gore warned them about climate change, and they hate Al Gore a lot. Acknowledging climate change would mean admitting that Gore was telling the truth, and they’ll be damned if they’ll give him the satisfaction.

If true, that’s amazingly, mind-bogglingly, grossly stupid. But for the life of me I can think of no other explanation. Can you? I’d love to hear a rational explanation for climate-deniers’ irrational behavior. Drop me a line if you get one.

Once that’s settled we can tackle anti-vaxxers, Jets fans and those characters who feel the need to bring AR-15s into Taco Bell, presumably because there might be commies lurking in the pico de gallo. We’ll have this whole thing sorted out in no time!

In the meanwhile, all this gabbing about cheese has made me hungry. Let’s go eat. Anywhere but Taco Bell, if you don’t mind. Cuz commies.

Violent extremists.

Violent extremists.

Fighting for our freedom! And snacks.

Fighting for our freedom! And snacks.

 

 

Advertisements

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

4 Responses to “Dumbness in America”

  1. Scott Says:

    I think maybe climate change denialists fall into three categories: Evil money-grubbing whores (aka Koch Bros), those who follow the party line regardless of where that line is, and the belignorant – those who are ignorant about science and damned proud of it. (We also find members of the latter two groups on the climate change acceptance side; we just don’t notice as much since they aren’t talking trash on the topic.) And I don’t know how to fix any of that.

  2. Paul Murphy Says:

    Sigh.

  3. William Jennings Bryant Says:

    Look, if the climate change people are right, then we’re screwed. So, they aren’t right! It’s just logic, like in the Bible.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: