Technical Difficulties

I am the master of technology. I have a hot, smexy Asus laptop game computer with some huge amount of RAM and GIGs and tons of cores and stuff, plus a cool video card, cheap-ass speakers and a cute li’l wireless mouse. I have an elderly iPhone 3 which I’ve gone swimming with. I’m in the process of updating to an iPhone 5, which will hopefully be more waterproof. I also have an aging Company iPad which I think they’ve forgotten about entirely*.

Another day at the office.

Another day at the office.

I just got myself a Google Android Nexus 7 tablet, for in case the Company remembers I have the iPad and demands it back. You can tell the tablet is cool because it has three names and it’s a “7” (which is a very bitchin’ number). Also it’s a lot more difficult to set up and use than the iPad, so it must be better.

I drag much of this hot technology around with me in a Dell backpack. (I could use a work backpack, but that would be nerdly.) I don’t carry the ASUS laptop because the thing weighs roughly a million pounds and it’s too damned big to fit in the backpack anyway. (It’s a “laptop” only in the loosest sense of the term, because if you were foolish enough to put it on your lap you’d quickly lose all feeling in your legs and then fall over.) I could carry my work laptop around, but that would imply that I wanted to do work elsewhere than at the office, which is hilarious on its face.

When riding on a crowded bus I Tweet. I also habitually leave my backpack half-unzipped, inviting theft or random technology droppage. I obsess about this a lot.

You know it's coming.

You know it’s coming.

I rent a room in San Francisco where I have a dangerous number of plugs and wires for charging this stuff, all emerging from one exhausted surge-protector. My landlord provides wifi (he should, given what he charges for the room) which I overload watching increasingly bad disaster movies from Netflix on my secret iPad.

When I’m not watching crap movies on my secret iPad I’m Tweeting on my iPhone or blogging on my laptop or cursing at my Android Nexus Google 7 while trying to do stuff it took me seconds to do on the iPad. At night I repeatedly get woken up by the various beeps, boops and tings coming from these objects whenever anybody sends me an email, makes a move at chess or puts up a picture of their adorable kitten on Facebook. Once awake I check my blog to see how many people have read it since I last looked (0-2) and then try to go back to sleep. In the morning, bleary-eyed and grumpy, I pack up all of my electronics and stagger off to the bus once more.

I love my tech. Am I getting anything useful done with it? Hell no. I’m way too busy for that.




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2 Responses to “Technical Difficulties”

  1. Steve J. Says:

    Don’t worry, eventually your collection of electronics will fill up the void that is your life. Probably the Nexus 8 will do it.

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