The Weiner Blog


"This is not the weiner you're looking for. "

“This is not the weiner you’re looking for. “

A Recent Job Interview in New York City

“Good afternoon, Sir. Your name is?”
“Anthony Weiner.”

“Good afternoon, Mr. Weiner. You are applying for the job of Mayor of New York, correct?”

“I am, yes.”

“Good luck to you. Now before we discuss your qualifications for the position of Mayor, we have a few simple questions for you.”

“Go ahead. I have nothing to hide.”

“Excellent. Here’s our first question: have you ever Tweeted pictures of your junk to anyone?”

“Certainly not!”

“You have, haven’t you?”

“That’s absurd. Of course I haven’t.”

“Who did you Tweet them to, exactly?”

“I never!”

“Come now. We’re all adults here, Mr. Weiner. You can tell us.”

“Lies! All lies!”

“Do you recognize this photograph, Mr. Weiner?”

“All right, maybe once, when I was in Congress. But never since then.”

“I’m glad to hear it. Let’s move on. So when was the last time that you sent out a picture of your genitalia, Mr. Weiner?”

“I told you: when I was in Congress.”

“And since then?”

“I haven’t.”

“How often after you left Congress did you send women pictures of your penis and testicles, Mr. Weiner?”

“Not ever.”

“Not even once?”

“Of course not. I’ve been in therapy.”

“Please allow me to show you another photograph. Is this your engorged phallus, Mr. Weiner?”

“Oh that. Well, yes. I did send that picture after I left Congress. But that was before I was totally cured by therapy, see? I’m clean now. I haven’t Tweeted a picture of my manly equipment in, well, a long, long time!”

“And if elected Mayor, do you plan to Tweet pictures of your generative organs to foreign dignitaries you might meet? Say, for instance, the Princess of Wales?”

“Never.”

It takes a pretty big dick to do this to your wife and child! Sign that man up!

It takes a pretty big dick to do this to your wife and child.

“That’s fine. And now, onto a different topic. How does your wife feel about you dragging her back into the limelight and humiliating her all over again, as you make this outlandish run for Mayor?”

“She’s totally great! She believes in me 100 percent!”

“Seriously?”

“You bet! She’s my rock!”

“She forgives you for photographing your genitals and sending pictures to random women under the pseudonym of ‘Carlos Danger,’ and then making her stand by your side in implicit approval of your grotesque and indefensible behavior which will no doubt haunt her and your children for the rest of their lives? She doesn’t think that you’re a raving egomaniac with no self-control?”

“She does not! She’s my biggest fan!”

“Indeed. That’s good to hear. Now one final question, Mr. Weiner: What makes you the right person for the job of Mayor? What is your greatest quality?”

“My integrity.’”

“Thank you, Sir. We’ll get back to you.”

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