Someone Open Up a Window!


Following a small fire on a plane his wife was riding in the other day, a relieved Governor Mitt Romney jokingly wondered why they don’ t let you open windows aboard an airplane.

Or was it a joke?

People weren’t certain. Maybe Mitt really thought that windows on airplanes should be opened. Who could be sure? Mitt’s comment became a Huge Hoopla on the Internets and Twittersphere, and commentators like Stephen Colbert and Rachel Maddow ate it up.

It’s bad when you’re not sure if your presidential candidate understands about explosive decompression and folks being sucked out of airplanes like in the cooler action movies.

I voted for this guy. It wasn’t easy, but I did it.

Of course this kind of issue never bothered candidate George W. Bush, since nobody in the entire universe voted for him because they thought he knew anything. We were happy if the guy remembered which podium to stand behind in the debates. But Romney’s a whole different tub of mayonnaise. He’s not supposed to be a lovable dope. He’s supposed to know things. Why would anybody think he’s that stupid?

My feeling here is that the country’s beginning to realize that Romney’s seriously gonna lose this election. And as we always do, we’re rallying around him in the sense of heaping scorn and abuse on Mitt and trying to get some angry chubby guy from New Jersey to take his place. This country hates a loser. Just ask the New York Jets.

Once a candidacy begins to go down the drain, virtually anything the candidate does looks stupid. Remember Dukakis in the tank? It wasn’t that the guy looked kinda doofy in a helmet – he did, of course, but a lot of us do – it was that he was a loser who looked kinda doofy in a helmet.

But don’t expect to hear Romney’s eulogy on the Lamestream Media™ just yet. The goddamned election is still six weeks away, and we have an entire industry of pundits, politicians, reporters, gaffers, grips, money-raisers, publishers, pollsters, spin-doctors, hookers, and bus drivers who rely on it for their livings. And as such it’s in their interests to gin up as much excitement as possible about the pathetic thing, even if that means ignoring a lot of unpleasant facts and stuff. Who’s going to want to watch a debate if we all know that Romney’s deader than a mackerel already? Especially if it’s up against Bristol Palin letting it all hang out on “Dancing With the Stars” on another channel. I mean, hotcha.

Ooo. Maybe Romney and Obama should have a Tango-Off to decide the election!

And think about the poor bastards stuck on campaign busses with Romney’s sad little running mate Paul Ryan. Covering a VP candidate is bad enough: suppose you had to cover the VP candidate of a totally losing ticket? Hide the liquor and put them boys on suicide watch.

So the next 45 or so days are going to be quite hellish on all of us. Polls will be bent, half-truths will be spoken, and facts will be mangled by the same folks who, the day after the election, will explain how they knew it was going to end that way all along. Everybody wins except us.

And maybe the folks on the plane with Mitt. Keep him away from windows.

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5 Responses to “Someone Open Up a Window!”

  1. George Gallup Says:

    It’s a shame they can’t call the elections as a pop quiz. You know, once your teacher thinks you probably know as much as you’re going to know, s/he says, “Everyone take out a blank sheet of paper,” and then you know you’re sunk. Someone (pollsters? the Queen? Tom Brokaw?) ought to be able to say, “We know as much as we’re going to know about these candidates, and we’re only going to know less as we watch more and more TV. Please take out your ballots and a #2 pencil…”

  2. Sully Sullenberger Says:

    By the way, it’s a perfectly good decision to open a window on your 747 in case of fire, to make sure that you don’t burn to death. Many people prefer to be sucked out of the plane and die that way.

  3. home phones services Says:

    After I initially left a comment I seem to have clicked
    the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and from now
    on every time a comment is added I recieve 4 emails with the exact same comment.
    There has to be a means you can remove me from that service?
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