GOP Senators Block Veterans’ Jobs Bill


Yesterday GOP Senators used a procedural tactic to block a bill that would have provided job training for the nation’s growing population of unemployed veterans. When it was pointed out that this made them unalloyed douchebags, the Republican Senators remained defiant.

“We think taking care of unemployed desperate people with badass weapons skills isn’t nearly as important as tax cuts for our rich donors,” said Senator Jeff Sessions (R-Ala.) “Screw those clowns.”

Added Senator Tom Coburn, (R-Okla.): “Look. This is an election year. We’d be crazy to give Obama any kind of a legislative victory at this point. Anyway, it’s not like all of the vets coming home from war have PTSD. These guys are heroes. Most will almost certainly handle being abandoned by their country without resorting to violence or suicide.”

Asked for comment, presidential candidate Mitt Romney said, “A lot of homeless veterans pay no income taxes. These moochers should ask their parents for money like I did. It’s the American way.”

In related news, former Olympian Kristi Yamaguchi is to star in a pro-Romney ad, titled: “Mitt Romney isn’t nearly as big a tool as you think he is.” FactCheck.org has labeled this ad, “Two Pinocchio Noses and a Bucket of Bullshit.”

Yamaguchi has come out for Romney. So has Jenna Jameson.
Apparently the dude’s got something for everyone!

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5 Responses to “GOP Senators Block Veterans’ Jobs Bill”

  1. pouringmyartout Says:

    Sarcasm done with ninja skill.

  2. Bob Woodward Says:

    Did any of the people you quoted have quote approval? Because if they did, I cannot be certain that they have not massaged this story in order to appear extremely positive. I am a little suspicious that this is just another Republican puff piece.

  3. julesagray Says:

    Marry me. NOW.

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