Election Thoughts on a Rainy Labor Day

Warning: This really isn’t a coherent column. Hence the bullets. 

• The GOP’s case would be a lot more compelling if individual elected members didn’t keep revealing themselves to be a bunch of minority-hating, gay-bashing, misogynist dunder-heads.

• It’d be swell if we could have a debate about our policy of murdering people in countries we’re not at war with using Flying Killer Death Robots (ie, drones). But we won’t, because the other side wants to do it as much as Obama does.

Reince Priebus or Mr. Bean? One’s a talentless, self-important poser clearly played for comic effect and the other’s British.

• Whenever I get depressed or angry about the election I play some Skyrim. I find the fictional world created by Bethesda Softworks to be a lot more compelling than the one created by the GOP during their convention.

• I hope there’s a special hell for Justice Anthony Kennedy where he’ll spend eternity watching the horrible, democracy-destroying commercials that the ”Citizens United” decision made possible.



“Today, we celebrate those who have taken a risk, worked hard, built a business and earned their own success.” proclaimed Cantor, completely misinterpreting the purpose of Labor Day, which celebrates American LABORERS who have suffered and died fighting for their rights to a fair wage, a five-day work-week and safe working conditions from corrupt, rich fat-cat business owners you damned idiot.


• Whenever a reporter complains that a candidate hasn’t said something of substance about <whatever>, I want to punch his face in. You’re one of the losers who let ‘em skate, Pretty-Boy. Ask a tough question or go get your perm touched up.

• Todd Akin’s primary sin was in accurately articulating the beliefs of the folks who wrote the RNC’s anti-abortion plank.

• Remember the Patriot Act? Obama was against it until he became President. Wonder if anybody will bring it up at the Democratic Convention? Lulz.

• There’s a petition going around demanding that, to counter Eastwood’s work at the RNC, Betty White should introduce Barack Obama at the Democratic National Convention. I’m all for it as long as she doesn’t give an empty chair a lap-dance first.

• In other sexy election news, porn star Jenna Jameson endorsed Mitt Romney, saying, “When you’re rich, you want a Republican in office.” This may be the single most honest statement in the history of American politics.

It’s untrue that Jenna Jameson endorsed Mitt Romney because “We both change positions for money.”

• Ever notice how very few musicians ever ask Democratic candidates to change their theme songs?

• It gives me a great deal of happiness to learn that Pat Boone is a birther. It’s always fun when your personal preconceptions about a group of people are totally confirmed. They really are all angry old white guys with plaid pants and white shoes, aren’t they?

• I heard Vice President Biden bring up foreign policy in a campaign stop today and I nearly plotzed. Thus far this whole election has been about personal destruction.* Holy crap: we’re not going to open a meaningful dialog now, are we?

There are 63 more days until the election. Sixty-three. Good luck. Enjoy the holiday!


*For example, I heard that Romney has most of his money hidden in Peruvian male brothels, which is why he can’t reveal his taxes.**

**So the answer is “no” on the meaningful dialog question I guess. Sorry.


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2 Responses to “Election Thoughts on a Rainy Labor Day”

  1. Randy Says:

    Is that really Jenna Jameson? She’s had so much work she’s starting to look like Lindsay Lohan.

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