The Kids Are, All Right


He’s watching YOU!

Life is busting out all over at Chez Murphy’s (literally, “House of Spuds”). Of course by now you’re heard that we recently had a litter of puppies, the inevitable result of the Catholic Church’s stubborn refusal to provide free birth control to purebred English Pointers in Southern Pennsylvania, combined with some opportunistic old-fashioned God-fearing GOP-approved procreative sex* in the back yard that caught us totally off-guard some months ago.

The puppies and mother Jane are doing well. There are seven of the former, four boys and three girls. Originally we thought there were three boys and four girls, but we recently discovered that one of the girls was secretly packing an “outie,” if you know what I mean. We’re thinking of calling him either “A Dog Named Sue” or maybe “Dog George.”

Angelina looks great for a mother of six kids, huh? Let’s hope Jane bounces back that good after her litter of seven!

The puppies are around eight days old. Though still blind, they look less like mole rats and more like cute-ass fuzzy li’l doofuses every day. The proud mother is taking real good care of her babies, though she may be getting a bit bored with the whole thing. She recently started taking her snake toy into the whelping box with her. Apparently licking your children’s asses can grow old after about a week, not to mention breastfeeding seven hungry toddlers. I’m sure you ladies will confirm that.

I am contributing to the general fecundity by repeated hilarious attempts to make cheese, which generally result in big old lumps of semi-edible yogurtish goo. (Happily, the dogs seem to like it.) I’ve purchased exciting magic powders from some cheese-making outfit in the Midwest, but it hasn’t arrived yet. Will report as events progress.

We keep the puppies under a heat lamp. It’s probably not what you think.

So we’re oohing and aahing over the puppies, squidging them repeatedly, giving them  big old moodges and arguing over which is the smooshiest.** Soon they’ll be weaned and will start to poop and bark and get into hellish trouble, like any of God’s creatures. But until then, they’re just purely adorable.

Incidentally, these are extremely well-bred animals, from long lines of champion English Pointers. If interested in more info on the litter, drop me a note. I’ll connect you with my wife, the dog whisperer.

———————————————————————–

* Doggie-Style, natch.

**This is what you sound like after extended exposure to excessive canine cuteness.

My wife claims that the picture at the top is creepy and disgusting. So I've added this one for balance. But don't be fooled: this animal is a killer. He would totally rip your throat out as soon as look at you.

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2 Responses to “The Kids Are, All Right”

  1. Linda Kaim Says:

    Love your blog Paul! Waiting to sample the successful cheese as well!

  2. Barfy Says:

    You got the picture of the “heat lamp” den from Silence of the Lambs, didn’t you? Or maybe from the hit movie John Carter when he is thrown into the den of the Lorax to be consumed over 1,000 years. Because that is the scariest thing I have seen.

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