We Hate Women!


Today's Conservative Movement.

Anybody else notice that women are under attack across America today? Why? Not sure, but I’m guessing that many God-fearing American men hate them for having vaginas, which are the road to hell or something. After all, vaginas encourage sex by unemployed illegal immigrant welfare recipients, and we can’t be having that. Also wanton women (mostly Democrats) tempt many God-fearing American men to stray from their presumably-vaginaless spouses, for which they should burn.

This war takes many forms. If the GOP-dominated state government has its way, soon the women of Virginia will be unable to get abortions. They’ll also be unable to get birth control, which is pretty hilarious, since birth control (and education in how to use it properly) is the best way to lower the number of abortions. Abstinence training is somewhere down the list of successful anti-abortion measures, just slightly above aspirins between the knees and below baseball bats to the stomaches of pregnant poor women.

Meanwhile the Catholic Bishops, who I totally look to for moral guidance when I can’t get hold of Jerry Sandusky*, have declared that they don’t want to provide health insurance covering birth control to employees of hospitals, schools, and other such institutions, despite getting roughly a shitload of money from the US government to run ’em.

"How do you know she is a woman?"

Trying to avoid telling ’em to go fuck themselves in an election year, President Obama has come up with the wonderful fiction that insurance companies will provide such services for free, so the Catholic Church won’t have to pay for this stuff at all! Hooray! However, the Bishops and other male religious leaders point out that the insurance companies will probably secretly charge ’em for these services anyway, so they’ll still be morally accountable for what goes on in their female employees’ hoohas.

Eager to join the fray, the GOP Congress has convened a hearing on the subject of birth-control and religious freedom. The witnesses called in this hearing were 100% vagina-free, presumably so that sex-crazed women-sluts wouldn’t taint the purity of the religious dudes testifying.**

The conspicuously vaginaless witnesses at the Congressional hearing on birth control and religion.

So why do women put up with this crap? The whole thing is kinda puzzling on a number of levels, the most obvious of which is that people with vaginas — many of whom are, may I point out, women — are over half of the voting population.Why aren’t they rioting in the streets, or withholding sex from everybody like in Lysistrata, or even merely voting the bums out, to prove that nobody can control their bodies other than themselves? Why are they sitting by so quietly while these old cretins systematically undo all of the hard-fought women’s rights advances made by their braless mothers?

Seems to me that women could easily take power from the asshole men who seek to demean and control their bodies, if they chose. Why they haven’t surely beats the shit outta me. But then I’m a guy. Maybe I lack the equipment to understand.

Women: Can't live with 'em; can't take away their reproductive rights without 'em getting uppity!

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*The accused pedophile who destroyed beloved Penn State coach Joe Paterno’s last few months on this planet. Sandusky’s still alive, awaiting trial and petitioning the Courts for full access (or something) to his grandkids.

**Also I bet they were afraid that the women would complicate the discussion with pertinent facts.

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10 Responses to “We Hate Women!”

  1. Alan Edwards Says:

    I hold out hope that this is the last gasp of the dinosaur of male-and-church-dominated social control, and that the increasingly strident and idiot actions they are taking will ensure the death of te breed. I am also incredibly naive.

  2. Scott Says:

    Hey, no pictures of scantily-clad hot women. And in a post essentially all about women. You’re losing your touch, Paul!

  3. Maggie Platt Says:

    You’re AWESOME Paul…may I share???

  4. God's Vessel Says:

    Those so-called preachers are really closet liberals. Everyone knows that life begans with ovulation and that menstruation makes God weep salty tears. http://godlovesova.com

  5. Women are fine until they are born Says:

    I think the last word on this whole birth-control debate should go to the late Whitney Houston, whose insight into these deep matters was remarkable, even at a young age:

    I believe that children are our future
    Teach them well and let them lead the way
    Show them all the beauty they possess inside
    Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
    Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be

    If you replace “children” with the word “gamete,” you can see just what the bishops and rabbis are talking about… Sorry, I promised myself I wouldn’t cry… It’s all just too beautiful!

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