More Random Thoughts


Lacking any coherent subject or theme this week, I’ve huffed some non-dairy whipped kreme and written down various random thoughts. I recommend against reading them sober. Good luck!

•  I hear that the GOP is going to let lovable billionaire pinhead Donald Trump moderate an upcoming presidential debate. This is clearly a sign of the End Times, and I’m surprised noted prognosticator John Hodgman neglected to mention it in his fine work describing the impending Ragnarok, “That is All.”

•  As I age, I look forward to consuming more than my fair share of the world’s dwindling resources. Sorry, future generations, but there it is.

•  If they want to get a reality TV show host to moderate a GOP presidential debate, they should ask Heidi Klum. She’s smarter than Donald Trump and she has much better hair. “In Republican politics, one week you’re in; the next – you’re out…” Ooo.

Brian Williams never looked this good.

•  In the game “Skyrim,” I kill animals and people and harvest their souls to power my weapons. This creeps me the hell out, but I do it anyway. Such is the power of computer gaming to turn you evil.

•  There’s something surreal about Ray Lewis, arguably the manliest dude in all of professional sports, being laid low by a toe injury. I’m sure they’re covering something up. He was probably attacked by a velociraptor. Or Sauron. I bet he kicked their asses.

• If Herman Cain was forced to leave the GOP presidential race because of his sexual peccadilloes, Newt Gingrich should be booted out of this species entirely. What gives?

• Every time an NFL football announcer says, “…they can’t let the quarterback break contain” rather than “…break containment,” I go out and strangle a baby duck. So they should stop.

•  Despite her liberal attitude on many things, my wife doesn’t like it when I go to the Twilight movies to pick up chicks.

I forget what pithy political statement I was going to make with this second photo of Heidi Klum, so I'll just say "Hotcha" and move on.

•  Donald Trump? Really? Why not somebody with gravitas? Elmo maybe.

•  …Say… that gives me an idea: “Tickle Me, Gingrich!”

•  More American parents than ever are refusing to get their children vaccinated. (Because they’re stupid.)

•  When the kids die of easily-preventable disease, I bet their parents try to sue somebody. If they do, I vote we send Ray Lewis after them. Or I could take their souls. I’m fine either way.

Ho, ho, ho!

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3 Responses to “More Random Thoughts”

  1. Laurie Says:

    Paul,
    I think you could do an entire rant on NEWT. Really. What does it say about a political party that endorses, supports or even listens to someone named after a cold blooded animal that hides in wet slimy places?

    Laurie

  2. shil Says:

    ha ha ha

  3. Surgeon Colonel Says:

    I think that every parent who declines to get their child vaccinated should have to watch a 15-minute film of a baby with whooping cough, or maybe dyptheria (though that is not as photogenic). When people actually KNEW what these diseases did to you, they couldn’t vaccinate their children fast enough.

    The sad thing is that not only do the idiots’ children suffer, but because vaccines are not perfect, other children who did actually get vaccinated now get the disease from the unvaccinated children. So, perhaps THEIR parents could sue the unvaccinated parents….

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