Rock and Roll Will Never Diet


While at work, my co-workers and often I plug into a fine website called “Turntable.fm” where we get to program music for each other. Each of us, in turn, plays a song that we all can hear. There’s a “chat” function which mostly allows us to make fun of each other’s music.

Primus is very odd.

This is useful, because some of my office-mates’ tastes are extremely odd, and I have been subjected to a variety of terrible music, including “Wynona’s Big Brown Beaver,” by Primus, “Amaranth,” by the Finnish orchestral rock band Nightwish (seriously), and of course any song by that crazy androgynous Japanese dude Gackt. I tend to subject them to geezer music by Randy Newman, Bruce Springsteen, and newer wussy music by mainstream artists like Feist.

This is Gackt. I’m assured he’s hawt, but the dude just creeps me the hell out.

Because we’re massive jerks, about half the time we program songs simply to annoy the other listeners. This can lead to extended hours of auditory agony. Sometimes it’s difficult to tell if a certain co-worker is playing Tex Williams’ “Don’t Telephone, Don’t Telegraph, Tell a Woman” because he really likes it or because he wants to tick off our female co-worker, but in the end, does it really matter? In revenge she’ll play the Pokémon theme song and my ears bleed. When it’s my turn I call upon my vast knowledge of crappy 70s music to come up with songs like “A Cowboy’s Work is Never Done” by Sonny and Cher. Everybody loses.

While mostly this is foolish nonsense designed to pass the time and kill brain cells, I have been introduced to a number of cool singers/bands I never would have otherwise discovered. At the top of this list is neo folk genius Jonathan Coulton, who writes and sings brilliant music like “Code Monkey,” “Re: Your Brains,” and his great cover of the “Portal” song “Still Alive“. The dude’s like a god to me.

I’ve also learned about Lonely Island, the comedic group who have given the world classics like “I Just Had Sex,” “I’m On A Boat,” and many other wonderful songs that are definitely NSFW (not suitable for work) or children. Or anybody with any sense, for that matter.

We shout “flippy-floppies” at the appropriate time while listening to “I’m On a Boat.” Thanks to the loss of brain cells, this amuses us.

If you haven’t tried “Turntable.fm,” check it out. How else do you learn about new music these days? Hell, you probably don’t use those brain cells anyway.

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2 Responses to “Rock and Roll Will Never Diet”

  1. Blither Says:

    “A Cowboy’s Work is Never Done”??? What drug-induced flashback brought that gem to mind? I couldn’t have come up with that unless I was regressed to age 8 via the method used on HAL in the movie 2001. As my last conscious act, I would end up singing “I Wanna Hold Your Hand.”

    But I digress.

    • Paul Murphy Says:

      Unfortunately, you have filled your brain with useful information, which naturally pushes crap like that song to the very back of your reptile hind-brain. I don’t have that problem.

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