Going Into Labor

So how was your Labor Day? I spent mine much as usual — going to my sister-in-law’s house and watching with fascinated horror as my wife’s family cheerfully hammered a large bunch of deceased crustaceans to pieces and sucked the tasty bits out of the fragments.

Later we turned on the US Open. This involves deciding which cute young blonde Russian tennis player to lust after, Martina Sharapova — my go-to cute young blond Russian tennis player — having been knocked out of the competition early. (As an aside, it’s pretty clear to me that Sharapova is only Russian when it comes to filing her taxes. When was the last time that dame snorted vodka or invaded Czechoslovakia? She’s as American as I am, and as such should have her own reality TV show just like Denise Richards.  I’d watch it.)

Martina Sharapova. Nuff said.

But I digress.

Did you see any of the Republican candidates on TV? I love watching them on Labor Day. For this one day they have to pretend to respect American workers, while still loudly proclaiming that labor unions are the font of all evil in the world and are engaged in a sick conspiracy with the EPA and George Soros to turn the country into a bankrupt socialist homosexual hellscape.

In this they are abetted by conservative pundits like the cute yet unhinged Michelle Malkin who despite the obvious facts to the contrary claim that unions present a danger to freedom-loving people everywhere. Beg pardon? Unions are dead, Miss Malkin, and the middle class is dying along with ’em. Wake up and smell the non-labor-harvested coffee! Unions are a threat to nobody.

The great thing about conservatives is that they can stomp an enemy to death, suck out its eyeballs and dance on its grave while still complaining loudly that it is a menace to all God-Fearing Americans. It seems to me that the most successful Conservative pundits have only a tenuous hold on reality — just watch the FOX & Friends idiots nattering about Spongebob Squarepants and his “global warming agenda” — and when it comes to Labor, they’re even more deranged.

Michelle Malkin - cute yet divorced from reality. Who can resist her?

On the other hand, the Conservatives appear to be winning the hearts and minds of Americans, God knows why. In a few years there may not be any unions left (other than maybe the NBA Player’s Union, and most of us don’t make the minimum height requirement).

So enjoy this Labor Day, folks, because if things continue as they are it will soon be renamed “CEO Day,” and only those earning over $250,000 a year will be able to afford to take the holiday off. The rest of us will be too busy working. In non-union jobs. Below minimum wage.

Happy holidays!

P.S. After much consideration, I’m lusting after Rafa Nadal, like my wife. That dude is smexy!

Damn, those garters are hawt!


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2 Responses to “Going Into Labor”

  1. sarah Says:

    maria sharapova… she’s hot, but I , too am all about rafa!

  2. Paul Murphy Says:

    Heh. Decisions, decisions.

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