Boehner Admits to Shutting Down Government “For the Hell of it.”

In a surprise announcement today, Republican House Speaker Boehner announced that Congress would be shutting down the government on midnight, this coming Friday, no matter what the President offered.

“We [the Republican Party] are totally bankrupt of ideas,” Boehner stated. “We got nothing. When you elect a bunch of new congressmen and women who firmly believe that government is evil, it’s pretty impossible to get them to agree to actually do anything at all once they’re in that government.

“Frankly, all we’ve got in common is a deep, abiding hatred for Obama and an irrational fear that foreigners are going to take over the country, and we’re gone about as far as we can with that − nobody believes the birth certificate shtick any more, and there are just too damned many Hispanic citizens to keep nattering about the Mexicans. Those people vote!”


Fact: In 1987 Congressman Boehner had his tear ducts surgically enlarged.

The deeply emotional Boehner stopped to wipe his teary eyes. “Even Glenn Beck is getting the boot from FOX. I mean, they got Beck. Where does that leave us?

“Dammit, we used to be the war party, and now that bastard Obama has taken that away from us! Four wars!?! Four? Jesus, how can we top that?”

Speaker Boehner was openly weeping now. “So we figured, ‘What the hell?’ Let’s shut down the government and see what happens. If we can’t cripple the Federal Government through the normal legislative process, this might just work.

“Goodbye and God Help America!”

When asked for comment, leading Democrats said, “Hopefully this will take everybody’s mind off of the fact that we [the Democratic Party] haven’t had a good idea since the ’80s. God bless the Tea Party!”


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2 Responses to “Boehner Admits to Shutting Down Government “For the Hell of it.””

  1. Rachael Says:

    That’s probably exactly what happened.

  2. Amy Says:

    Not quite sure how I got here, following links willy-nilly, but that made me laugh. And after being woken up by Freaking Cat (his actual name) at 5:37am when the alarm is set for 6:00am, that’s hard to do.


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