I Left My Ears in San Francisco


As I’m sure you all know by now, I spent the last week in my company’s secret corporate HQ in San Francisco, California, USA, where I totally expanded the frontiers of social gaming and ate Mexican food as often as possible. It was a great trip: I really enjoyed meeting my Co-Workers from Another Time Zone and San Francisco is one of my favoritest cities ever.

The Lobby of the Ultra-Hip Clift Hotel. Note the Big Chair!

We stayed at the lovely Clift Hotel, which is a very cool establishment downtown, where we raised the hipness level even highter by sitting in the hotel lobby, drinking scotch and playing Nintendo Pokemon. The attractive waitresses wore short, sexy dresses, and I became briefly engaged to one of them after she confided in me that while off-duty she played a lot of “Settlers of Catan.” The engagement ended tragically when I informed my betrothed of the good news and she laughed so hard she nearly dropped a scotch on my co-worker.

 

Me and my new friends attempt to break a record in the Big Chair.

One of the highlights of the trip was when my co-workers insisted on taking me to a sushi strip joint. Feeling kind of awkward about watching naked nude chicks gyrate in a mixed group of game designers, I tried to back out at the last moment, only to be told that there’d be a $20 per person cancellation fee, so I was stuck. Imagine my feelings when we entered the restaurant and I discovered that the dancers were of an indeterminate gender.

There was no actual stripping, just the transgender ladies dancing around on the bar lip-synching to various disco-era tunes. This was a lot better than just gyrating naked female chicks (don’t ask me why) and I found myself having a pretty good time.

Soon one of the dancers strutted her way over to our area and hurled a glove at me. When I innocently handed it back to her she grabbed me firmly by the ears and gave me an extremely close-up view of her augmentations. And let me tell you this: transgender chicks got a hell of a grip, don’t let anybody tell you different. When they grab your ears, your head goes exactly where they want it to.

Don't let that dancer get her hands on your ears unless you're ready to experience amazing new things.

Did I mention there was sake (sack-i)? There was. A lot of it. Sake is a potent Japanese rice wine that is dispensed in teeny little bottles and sipped from shot glass-sized things. So you keep ordering it and don’t realize exactly when you’ve consumed a quart or two of the elixir and are making an ass out of yourself with transgender cabaret dancers. Not me, of course: I was a perfect little gentleman. Also they scared me.

There were other exciting occurrences during the trip: dinner with World Famous Game Designers and a visit to the Shockingly Beautiful Japanese Tea Garden, not to mention the actual work portion of my journey, but I’m not crazy enough to try to top an ear-gripping transgender cabaret dancer story, so that other stuff will have to wait for the next blog.

(Also, I survived a massive 2.1 earthquake which none of my co-workers admitted to having felt.)

 

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