Middle of the Road

So earlier this week I let some strange dude named “Dr. Kumar” cut on me and yank an alleged hematoma out of my torso. However, they didn’t let me see it before they sent it off to the lab. (What were they hiding, one must wonder. Perhaps it was an alien eyeball and they feared for my sanity. Hah. The fools! It’s far too late for that to be an issue.)

The process was mostly painless and hardly resembled a scene out of Saw III. I was fully conscious during the procedure and the most disconcerting part was the smell. Doctor Kumar was using some Dremmel-like device which cauterized as it cut. Mmmm, bacon!

Since that time I’ve been chomping down antibiotics and the occasional Darvon. I took one day off after the experience, but now I’m back at work full-time. I’m told I can’t do any lifting for a week, and my wife won’t let me use the riding mower. And experience has told me that it’s No Fun when a puppy launches its cute little head directly at the wounded era at like a zillion miles per hour. But other than that, things are going pretty good. I should be in fine form by Sunday, when we’re going to the York Fair to try to find people to sell us their chickens.

In opposition to Jon Stewart's "Rally to Restore Sanity," sinister pundit Stephen Colbert will be holding a "March to Keep Fear Alive" on the same day.

Viva Stewart! Viva La Non-Revolucion!

On other matters, did you happen to see The Daily Show on Thursday night? Mr. Jon Stewart announced his “Rally to Restore Sanity,” kind of an anti-Beck and Palin call to moderateness scheduled to occur on the Washington DC mall on Saturday, October 30, 2010, a date, as Stewart puts it, “of no significance whatsoever.”

The purpose is to encourage intelligent debate and polite discussion over America’s issues, to counteract the shouters and fear-mongers on both extremes. My wife and I are totally going. We’ve been discussing what kind of signage to carry. Here are some contenders:

“I’m pretty sure that President Obama is an American citizen. They check those things.”

“Perhaps Mr. Beck should get back on his medication.”

“Seriously. If you read the legislation, there’s no mention of death panels in it anywhere.”

“Maybe you’re correct. Let’s discuss this using our indoors voices.”

“While I’m sure she’s a fine person in many ways, Sarah Palin may not be the wisest choice for President of the United States.”

“Lacking a uterus, I have no useful opinion on abortion.”

“Why should I have to fake an illness to legally smoke a joint in the 21st century? I mean, seriously.”

So what do you think? Is this some totally radical moderateness, or what? Let me know if you’re going to show up for this wonderful event; maybe we’ll meet in DC somewhere ahead of time and eat sushi.

Stewart's rally will be just like Woodstock, except with older, pudgier people, a better grade of brown acid and probably a lot less free sex and nudity (which, given the participants, may not be a totally bad thing).


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3 Responses to “Middle of the Road”

  1. fallenangel39 Says:

    Glad things went well for you in regards to your surgery.Thanks for the post,I enjoyed it very much.

  2. jedwardswright Says:

    Dear Mr. Murphy,
    Mother Hen here.
    Sadly, MH will be unable to attend Mr. Stewart’s worthy event, what with being a chicken in a coop and all. She will be sure to RSVP her regrets to the appropriate contacts, who will undoubtedly be suitably dismayed.
    However, Mother does love writing slogans! She is pleased to pass along these humble suggestions, in the spirit of this noble gathering.

    — Will someone please give poor Mr. Beck some antacid?
    — Mrs. Palin is not everyone’s cup of tea.
    — Will the real President Obama please stand up?
    — And I thought a “Newt” was a lizard.
    — Don’t shoot! I left my body armor at home.
    — Where’s Waldo?
    — All we are saying, is give “Please” a chance!
    — We want a kinder, gentler America — No, scratch that.
    — Is there anyone named Katrina here?

    Should the preceding fail to inspire, Mother Hen votes for Idea #1.

    Moderately yours,
    Mother Hen

  3. The hardest word Says:

    I have been very busy and have been unable to leave my usual insightful and essential comments, such as this one. I apologize.

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