About this Chicken Coop


People often ask me, “Paul, why are you spending the week between jobs building a chicken coop in your back yard? Are you a total idiot?” They don’t say the last part out loud, but then again they don’t really need to: the look in their eyes says it all.

The answer is, “Well, yes.” But that hardly fills a blog, so I’ll elaborate.

This is a rare "Sultan" chicken. It's rare because other chickens -- even those of the same breed -- are embarrassed to be seen with it, so breeding opportunities are few and far between and usually involve dangerous amounts of alchohol.

We like chickens. They’re ornamental, they eat ticks, and they provide eggs which we mostly forget to collect. Periodically they reproduce, creating a new generation of animals to drown or get stepped on before they reach maturity. They’re fun.

Until recently we had some ten or so chickens and roosters living in our barn, free-ranging around the farmette and  gamely trying to hurl themselves under my car on my way to work. Then a family of foxes moved in the neighborhood, and now we have one grizzled and paranoid survivor.

It’s all part of the great cycle of nature for those of us liberal wusses who don’t like the NRA.

We decided to replenish the stock, but before we did so we figured we’d better build them a place where they can be more or less immune to the foxes. Thus, the chicken coop.

As for why I’m building a massive six-foot by six-foot heavily reinforced shingled box for maybe 10 chickens, see above. In my defense, however, let me point out that its construction required the repeated application of many dangerous power tools in 100-degree weather. Who could refuse that? (Also, later on I plan to put up a garage/shed for our beloved John Deere lawn tractor, and I need the practice.)

The endangered "Dixie Chicks", known for their political courage (if not, sadly, for the quality of their music).

Anyway, I’ve been having a blast. Manual labor is really fun when you know that you can stop at any time and not starve to death. Otherwise it’s the pits.

Soon the coop will be finished and we’ll order the chickens. Via the Internet. Did you know they send day-old chicks through the US Mail? Seriously.

Say. Wouldn’t 100 peeping chicks make a great holiday gift for people you don’t like much? Wouldn’t you like to see the recipients’ faces when they get the call from the postmaster to come down and pick them up?

That would rock.

Now don’t go getting any smart ideas about doing it to me. Remember, I have those foxes living next door.

Problem solved.

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2 Responses to “About this Chicken Coop”

  1. Dixie Fox Says:

    Why are you such a fox-hater? Foxes have to eat too, and who can blame them if they like a nice chicken dinner. You do too! You blithely take steps to starve your local fauna and advertise it on a blog! What the heck?

    And what about ticks? You talk about chickens eating ticks as if there is no ethical dimension to this behavior. We’re in the 21st century, people!

    I think we’re all reminded of the wise words of the Kingston Trio:

    When will they ever learn?
    When will they eeeeeeeeever learrrrrrrrrrrn?

  2. hires bouncy castles for Says:

    Hi! Do you know if they make any plugins to protect against hackers?
    I’m kinda paranoid about losing everything
    I’ve worked hard on. Any recommendations?

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