A Delicate Question

I was perusing some web sites the other day, looking for something to get irritated about, when I came across this little tidbit on the good old Huffington Post (“The Website for the Sincere but Lazy American Liberal”): Sarah Palin Blames Environmentalists for Gulf Oil Disaster. Right away I could feel my blood pressure rising like a startled cormorant not yet covered in toxic petrochemicals, so I eagerly read on − and I gotta tell you, it was like I hit the frickin’ motherlode!

It seems that on a recent Facebook note, Mrs. Palin pointed out that since they banned drilling in easier locations like ANWR (Arctic National Wildlife Refuge), the naughty eco-nuts forced companies like BP to drill in more difficult places, like deep water, so they’re really to blame that something went wrong in the Gulf. QED Baby, QED!

President Palin. Really?


So I’m not even going to get into the insane illogicality of Palin’s deeply stupid comment. I mean it’s like blaming the safe manufacturer if a bank-robber kills people while trying to blow up a tough bank vault. But as I said I’m not going to touch that. It’ just too damned easy. Clearly the woman’s a total doofus*.

But it does bring up one question: Why do so many Republicans want to elect another hapless fool to the Presidency? Palin is one of the front-runners of potential Republican candidates in the 2012 presidential election. Clearly a shitload of conservative people want her running the country. You’d think that the previous administration would have taught them the folly of putting Mr. Potato Head’s dumber younger brother in charge, but no. It’s like the entire George “Dubya” Bush administration never happened.

Mrs. Palin visits her constituency. (If this is Photoshopped, it's pretty good. I pray that it's real.)

I’ve heard the standard explanation − “I want to elect somebody I’d want to have a beer with. Somebody like me.” − and frankly, it’s idiotic. Hell, I’m a pretty fun guy with a couple of drinks in me, but Jesus, nobody with an ounce of sense would ever put me in charge of a 7-11, let alone the Executive Branch of the United States of America. I mean just because I can belch the entire Gettysburg Address on one Guinness Stout doesn’t mean I should have my finger on the Big Button, does it?

I just don’t get it. There must be plenty of solid, intelligent Republican men and women who could probably do a pretty good job running the country if elected, right? Why not pick one of them? Why go for a total froot loop like Palin?

It turns out that this image IS Photoshopped. Pity. Good job, though.

Admittedly, as a Democrat, I sorta hope that Palin is the Republican candidate, since I think that would virtually assure Obama’s re-election, but there’s always that one-in-a-zillion chance that Palin might just win, and then we’d be totally screwed. It’s just not worth it.

So Republican dudes, listen up: If you insist on voting for somebody you’d want to have a beer with, do us all a favor and make it “Norm” from Cheers, willya? Sure, Normie may be an alcholic and a fictional character, but at least he’s not a frickin’ moron.




*In a recent tweet Palin warned the people of Louisiana not to trust BP† because they were a foreign company, unlike, I suppose, the deeply trustworthy American company Exxon.

†Palin has apparently forgotten that her husband worked for BP for some 18 years.


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2 Responses to “A Delicate Question”

  1. McCain Says:

    Not that I take your column as asking for an actual answer, but most people don’t actually think so far as “What would this person do in office?” when making their voting decisions. Rather, they think, “How does this person make me feel right now?” This is why we need Oprah to run for office.

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