The Real Idiots of Real Life

So it’s lunchtime and I’m perusing the Internets in search of pictures of Heidi Klum modeling inappropriate underwear when I come across this provocative little number from “Wired” magazine’s GeekDad section, proving once again that people in real life are just as stupid as those on reality TV shows: “Would You Let Your Kid Climb Mount Everest?

It appears that the other day a 13 year old boy named “Jordan Romero” – accompanied by his dad, his dad’s girlfriend, and three Nepalese sherpas – did just that. Apparently little Jordan is on a quest to climb the tallest mountains on each of the seven continents. Having conquered six so far (including Mount Kilimanjaro at age 9), Jordan’s final goal is to surmount Mount Vinson in Antarctica.

So the question raging on the Internet is, is this a Good Thing or a Bad Thing? Should Jordan at 13  be allowed to risk his neck this way?

The Romero family are eager to ensure that Jordan will not live long enogh to pass on his family's many genetic defects.

Well, I think the answer depends upon a lot of things. First, how mature is Jordan? Does he have the emotional balance necessary to make such an important decision? Does he understand the potential results of his actions, and can he intelligently weigh the risks and rewards?

Are you kidding? Of course not. He’s a fucking 13 year old boy At that age he can barely comprehend the risks and rewards involved in flicking a booger at his older sister in the back seat during the long drive to Busch Gardens. His parents are idiots.

But I think there are greater issues at hand here than the mere question of reckless criminal endangerment of a minor by a parent or guardian. For example, who is this mysterious “girlfriend” of Jordan’s father? What exactly are their sleeping arrangements on these long trips? Do his father and girlfriend share a tent? How about a sleeping bag? Aren’t they aware that in addition to exposing him to horrifying physical peril, they’re also exposing the child to naughty adult behavior?

What kind of role models are they? Seriously, why the hell aren’t they married? In the unlikely event that Jordan lives to maturity, how is this going to affect his future relationships with women? Will he too be afraid to commit to marriage? Jeeze, what would Doctor Phil say?

Also, did Jordan really carry a pair of kangaroo testicles on the trip for good luck? Where does one get kangaroo testicles*, anyway? Why are they considered lucky? Clearly the kangaroo who originally possessed them wasn’t at all lucky…

 It’s all very confusing.

Do you REALLY need this kangaroo's testicles more than he does?

Well, one can only hope that this will be made into a wacky 3-D movie starring Randy Quaid, or even better, a reality show on the Discovery Channel. How they’ll work sharks into it remains to be seen.

In the meantime I’ll be shortly taking my goats skydiving. They’re just as capable of giving informed consent as Jordan is.



* Here’s a link to a place selling kangaroo scrotum bottle openers, but I’m not sure it’s the same thing.



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3 Responses to “The Real Idiots of Real Life”

  1. Brian Says:

    When we were in Australia the whole “Kangaroo scrotum _______” thing, where you fill in the blank with bottle openers, paper weights, key chains, etc seemed to be a major rage in all the tourist things.

    I did not, as it turns out, purchase a Kangaroo Scrotum. However we found Kangaroo meat from the local grocery store was very much to our taste…

  2. Daddy Dearest Says:

    There was also the 16-year-old girl whose parents sent her on a *solo* round-the-world sailing trip. At least, she was 16 when she got back. I think she was 13 when she left. Her parents were no dummies!

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