And Justice Faux All

This has been kind of a tough Saturday. As my tens of fans know, I’ve been removing the downed trees in my back yard, and I spent much of today taking off mid-sized branches with my trusty rip saw. The rip saw is an AK-47-sized power tool to which I attach a nasty 9-inch-long blade and whack away at anything within reach. This is fun, in a Texas Chainsaw Massacre-esque kind of way, but it’s also quite exhausting.

And when I’m tired and sweaty, there’s nothing I like better than going out to a nightclub to enjoy some restful faux-lesbian simulated bondage action. And I’m not the only one, either.

Does this man deserve to be fired -- or does he just need a good spanking?

According to a story broken by The Daily Caller,  a website nobody had ever heard of before this story, a number of Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele’s assistants recently took some frisky donors out to a club named “Voyeur West Hollywood,” which, as stated above, features hot, yet tasteful faux-lesbian simulated bondage action. The partiers foolishly paid their nearly $2,000 tab using an official RNC credit card, which is how they got caught. (Guys from smarter political parties always pay cash at strip clubs and submit fake dry cleaning receipts for reimbursement.)

Voyeur Hollywood West. Hooters this ain't.

Now despite what you’re thinking, this is no lowdown dive, as might be frequented by Libertarians or, God forbid, Democrats. No sir. Voyeur West Hollywood is an exclusive and tasteful gentlemen’s club that caters to all of its upscale customers’ needs. Check out what their web site has to say about their menu:

VOYEUR’s signature cocktail menu includes sugar–free, all organic creations including watermelon jalapeno, blueberry mint and cucumber olive shots. Guests will enjoy simple, small-bite hors d’oeuvres from Chef Micah Wexler (formerly from Craft), including smoked salmon and cucumber tea sandwiches, prime beef sliders and a signature crispy shrimp cocktail.

Wow. Watermelon jalapeno, blueberry mint and cucumber shots that are organic and sugar-free, plus topless women spanking each other: I mean, what could be more Republican?

Strangely, this has caused a certain kerfuffle among the conservative elite. The staffer who held the fundraising party at the club has been fired, and my friends Rick Santorum and Carl Rove have been bellowing loudly for Steele’s keister in hot, faux outrage. I’m not sure exactly why. (Maybe because they weren’t invited to the party?)

Sarah Palin has nothing to do with this story, but we think she looks really hot in that leather jacket. Maybe that's what got the RNC staffers all excited.

Frankly, I don’t see what all the fuss is about. This is America, after all, the land of the free, and if two women want to simulate making out on a West Hollywood nightclub stage in front of a bunch of drunken slathering Republican staffers and donors, what’s wrong with that?

Just as long as they don’t simulate getting married, I mean. Because that would be just twisted.


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3 Responses to “And Justice Faux All”

  1. cocktail crimes against nature Says:

    I think you missed the biggest outrage in this story, namely that the club is serving organic cocktails! As is well known to the RNC, the whole organic foods movement (originating from a little-known clause of the Stalin-Hitler pact in the 30’s) is an attempt by America-haters to undermine our agricultural and chemical industries. Once they have done that and have lowered our carbon load, the weakened country will be ripe for takeover by Canada, or perhaps by bondage lesbians. One would be much more interesting that the other, but the point is that Republicans should not be drinking the organic Kool-Aid with their donors’ chemical money. And Carl Rove knows that as well as I do.

    • Paul Murphy Says:

      I find it difficult to argue with your logic, Mr. Beck. Shoot! I blew your cover, didn’t I? Sorry…

      • cocktail crimes against nature Says:

        Well, let me just point out that Sarah Palin has now given the keynote address to the Wine & Spirits wholesalers… at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas. If you think that SHE would contaminate her precious bodily fluids with organic alcohol or give it to her babies, you have another thing coming to you. God Bless America! And its healthy and all-American Bordeaux wines from New Jersey and Florida.

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