Kill Some of the Lawyers?


Over the weekend my lower right wisdom tooth broke. I’m scheduled to have it yanked on Tuesday (tomorrow), but I’m in significant pain today. This has put me into totally the right mood to talk about that idiotic organization Keep America Safe and its attack on our legal system.

Noted Lesbian Asshole Liz Cheney

KAS is a conservative web site run by Dick Cheney’s daughter, Liz Cheney, Republican apparatchik “journalist” Bill Kristol, and Debra Burlingame (sister of an airplane pilot killed on 9/11), its mission to “provide information for concerned Americans about critical national security issues.” It seeks to ensure that the government follow the brilliant defense/anti-terrorism policies put in place by the Bush/Cheney government. As they say,

The United States remains a nation at war.  We face a growing threat from rogue regimes that seek or have already obtained nuclear weapons. America’s interests are challenged by an authoritarian China, a resurgent Russia, and dictators in our own hemisphere who ally themselves with our adversaries. Amidst the great challenges to America’s security and prosperity, the current administration too often seems uncertain, wishful, irresolute, and unwilling to stand up for America, our allies and our interests.

In other words, the Obama administration are a bunch of Democrat Socialist Muslim surrender-monkeys who will sell us down the river as soon as they finish their low-fat half-caff latte mocha-chinos. I don’t think anybody can argue with that characterization.

Noted Heterosexual Asshole Bill Kristol

Recently KAS has taken some flak for putting out an ad which suggests that the US Justice Department is overrun by evil terrorist sympathizers: namely, the Al Qaeda Seven, a group of lawyers who decided to act as attorneys for various Guantanamo detainees, thus clearly revealing them as evil commies – I mean terrorists themselves. As the ad makes clear, a real American lawyer would never represent a bad guy if he weren’t a bad guy himself. Why won’t the Justice Department reveal the names of these villains? What are they hiding?

There are several problems with this particular ad, other than it’s totally and unequivocally full of shit.  First of all, lawyers often represent people whose views they don’t support. In fact, if defendants can’t get their own lawyers, the courts provide ’em to them. As has been said a billion times lately, even John Adams represented the British soldiers accused of firing on Colonial citizens in the Boston Massacre. Adams wasn’t a traitor, you ignorant blow hards. He did it because he knew it was the right thing to do, even if it badly damaged his reputation (which it did, among the dumber Colonists).

Second of all, who says the detainees are guilty of anything? Of all of the detainees held in Gitmo, a huge chunk of them have been released without charge after many years of detention, suggesting that many of ’em were wrongly imprisoned. That’s why people have attorneys – to protect ’em if the government screws up.

Thirdly, the identities of the attorneys were in fact on public record, as Fox news discovered when they looked. Admittedly the Justice Department hadn’t put together a formal list, but all of the info was out there for anybody who cared to look. And, as Fox discovered, many of them “played only minor or short-lived roles in advocating for detainees.”

I will point out that, much to their credit, many conservative lawyers have come out against this obnoxious and misguided attack on our country’s Justice Department (and justice system), including folks like Ken Starr and Lindsay Graham, whom I usually despise. Good on you, boys!

Noted Zombie Tor Johnson (If you expected me to make fun of Ms. Burlingame you're frickin' crazy.)

So here’s the question. Why are the KAS folks being such scumbags? Are they misguided idiots or outright evil? Who knows?

Who cares?

My tooth hurts, you infamous bastards. You should immediately desist your scurrilous assault on our country and go fuck yourselves. Thanks!

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3 Responses to “Kill Some of the Lawyers?”

  1. Foreign Policy Through Dentistry Says:

    First of all, you don’t normally despise Lindsay Graham, though I have heard you call him a milkoholic.

    Secondly, these KAS people are right on the mark. Consider your wisdom tooth… are you providing it with an attorney? Are you giving it the chance to appeal its sentence? Hell, no! You’re going to blow that tooth out of the water, like the communistic Al Qaeda socialist-medicine terrorist tooth that it is. And if doing so blows up other teeth that happen to be in the neighborhood? Well, fuck ’em!

    The exact same thing applies, if your broken tooth is analogous to accused terrorists, your dentist corresponds to Liz Cheney, the other teeth correspond to Bill Kristol and Osama bin Laden, and your mouth to the middle East, and… What? Oh, was I dozing? Oh, well at least I wasn’t snoring.

    • Paul Murphy Says:

      As Jon Stewart so rightly pointed out, Lindsay Graham looks a lot like a middle-aged lesbian. I suspect that he’s got a brain and a conscience, which makes his behavior often despicable.

      And I totally offered my tooth legal representation, but it declined. Let it burn.

  2. sher Says:

    eek. dude, take care of that tooth. or else we may wish you to have some gallbladder issue or something painful and then sic you on teabaggers. yeah. that would be fun to watch.

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