Tis (Still) the Season


I’ve been like a power tool god the past couple of days, having constructed a wooden table using a variety of table saws, drills and sander, teaching it a lesson it won’t soon forget.  It’s not perfect, but it’s pretty good, if I do say so myself.

While parts of the project were fun, a lot of it was a huge pain in the butt. Building a nice piece of finished furniture requires a level of precision and craftsmanship that I find daunting. Things need to be flat. Screw holes need to line up and be straight. All of the legs need to be pretty much exactly the same length – precise fiddly stuff like makes my head hurt. You have to measure correctly, mark your measurements correctly, then cut at the correct location, all difficult tasks for somebody with 10 thumbs and crooked eyeballs.

I find I’m much more comfortable with the more manly and violent home improvement tasks involving mass destruction, like cutting down trees or digging holes or murdering weeds with dangerous chemicals. Still, this table came out nicely and I’m totally proud of it. For a few precious moments it made me feel kinda like EB White − except of course that he was a master woodworker and a far better writer than I’ll ever be. Bastard.

But I digress.

I also purchased a leaf blower this week, and it’s the coolest mechanical device outside one of those head-twisting things you find in the “Saw” documentary movies. Say. Wouldn’t it be great to be a criminal mastermind like the Saw dude, to design fiendishly over-complicated implements of torture to inflict on random teenagers or members of Congress?  Ha ha ha ha! But I digress again.

The leaf blower is light and quite powerful, creating a mighty wind which drives the leaves before me, like ducks before a hungry alligator. It’s electric, so after a few minutes I have to untangle the 100-foot extension cord from around trees, bushes and my neck, but this is far less annoying than using a *shudder* rake to move ’em. That technology is totally dead to me.

If my luck and the weather holds out, I’ll be done with the leaves this weekend. Then I can start putting up Christmas lights.

Me as the Grinch

Ho, ho ho!

You heard me: Christmas lights. Yeah, I know it’s still November. I know that it’s before Thanksgiving and insanely early for Christmas lights. But we like a lot of Christmas decorations, and the older we get, the longer it takes us to put ’em all up. I figure in a couple of years we’ll be following the NBA’s schedule: we’ll start putting them up in October and take ’em down during the finals in June. Why just think of it: eight whole months of inflatable, light-up Santas on surf boards.

Ho, ho, ho, Dudes! That’s radical!

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One Response to “Tis (Still) the Season”

  1. Corrections R Us Says:

    Please be aware that it is only possible to digress if what one is saying has a point or identifiable topic. Therefore, it is really not possible to digress in a blog, no matter how much you might want to.

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