Cooking with Qaddafi


Me and Qaddafi

We're just good friends, really.

As I’m writing this entry, I’m watching a video of Muammar Qaddafi’s recent speech at the United Nations (“Wagging Our Finger Reproachfully at Genocide for Over 60 Years”). The man has been babbling on and on for some 15 minutes. I bet myself I could listen to the whole 90 minute speech without my brain exploding, but I’m not sure I’m gonna make it. Apparently his own Libyan translator didn’t, shouting “I just can’t take it any more!” about an hour into the speech, at which point a UN translator heroically took over. Check out the New York Post story (a sentence I never thought I’d write sober).

What’s he saying now? “The UN is bad,” he says. “It’s unfair to Africa. Colonization was bad, the UN is a tool of the big rich countries….”

Doesn’t Qaddafi look more and more like a muppet as he gets older? Sort of a cross between Oscar the Grouch and Charles Bronson.

Speaking of Charles Bronson, didn’t Velezuela presidential wackadoo Hugo Chavez mention him on Larry King as one of the things he loves about America? Weird. Say. Ever wonder how King could spend like a total hour listening to Chavez ramble aimlessly without punching him in the eye? I understand that quart-sized bottles of cheap gin are stationed just off-camera in case of emergency.

Okay, tuning back into the speech. “The UN is bad, blah blah blah, big countries suck, blah, blah, blah…” 30 minutes in. “Africa deserves 7.77 trillion dollars compensation from Europe for colonization.” Suck it up, Dude. Carthage LOST. Get over it!

Wait. Sounds like he’s saying something important.

“Maybe Swine flu was created in a laboratory…” Ow, ow, ow. My head. Now he’s wondering why can’t Libyans emigrate to Italy? Ooo! I know the answer to that one… Listen. He’s complimenting Silvio Burlisconi. Bet that makes old Silvio all warm and fuzzy inside; nothing makes a world leader happier than being publically complimented by a raving nutbag…

Forty-five minutes in and he’s changing the subject again. He’s happy, proud that a son of Africa is president. Obama is the beginning of change. He is a glimpse in the dark for the next 8 years. Can you guarantee America after Obama? Obama should stay forever as president… Ow ow ow.

Shh. What’s that? I think I can hear Obama’s people screaming faintly in the background.

Ooo. Now what? He’s demanding that people pay attention. He’s chiding the listeners for having jet lag. He’s talking about the biological clock…  The UN should be removed from New York because NYC might be subject to a terrorist attack. Now he suggests that the UN be moved to Libya so people won’t have jet lag.

Really?

Pause. Rewind. Yup, that’s what he said.

*BAM!*

My brain just exploded.

I lose.

Besides, I’ve got to turn on the radio. Ahmadinejad’s on All Things Considered in a couple of minutes. 

Tom Delay Booty Watch

As of this blog, Everybody’s favorite criminal ex-House Whip Tom Delay remains on Dancing With the Stars, having survived a double elimination. There’s something very suspicious about that: there’s no way in hell that there could have been two worse dancers on the entire planet, let alone on that show. I’m calling for a special prosecutor.

More as events transpire.

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